Sinkhole

[evieshka]

An assumption about the pothole is that it is an absence of concrete.

Assume one day the concrete was there, and the hole partially filled with mismatched material. Assume each time you drive over the pothole your car jolts, because a partially filled pothole is not a foundation. Assume the concrete vanishes, blocking you on social media, when you point out the half-assed job it's doing being concrete now that you've gone and grown up with the pothole and learned to navigate around it.

(I say concrete. I mean absentee father.

At this stage of life, is this ghosting or child abandonment?)



An assumption about the pothole is that it formed due to time, pressure, poor materials, poorer construction, and/or exposure to the elements.

Postulate that the concrete fills the hole one day.

Postulate that time, pressure, poor materials, and barbed conversation do not cause the concrete to wear away, but rather one morning you wake to find (you have been blocked on social media) (by your own goddamned father) (who hasn't called you since you were twelve) (for whom you drove through scorching Nevada-California desert in a rental car when you were thirty and aching for family, any family, even one that consigned you to live with the monster that is your mother because it would have been 'too expensive' to fight for custody of you in court, which sounds like an uncomplicated and convenient excuse made by a man living in a four-bedroom house with his stay-at-home wife in the Los Angeles hills) (you think of the cramped townhouse that was home-not-home and the two bankruptcies filed by your mother and how your clothes came from Wal-Mart once a year and your haircuts came on the back patio and how your first job was at fourteen and you never stopped working full-time despite failing grades failing energy failing relationships failing mental health until you yourself were by some miracle a married housewife(?) in a four-bedroom home, where your mental health still is a question mark and your father is still) a sinkhole.

Is this a civic oversight or an act of dog?

This is why you never talk about your father.