What Do Cramps Really Feel Like?

[evieshka]

I've spent a lot of time trying to convey how certain emotions, mental health issues, and sensations feel, particularly to my husband. I truly think that understanding elicits empathy and awareness, so I've been trying to do better to help others grasp the things the people around them are going through.

One such experience is that of menstrual cramps; at best, people tend to write them off as no big deal, and at worst, they're a joke. Rather than making it an experience deserving of sympathy and comfort, the fact that a massive portion of the population experiences monthly cramps seems to have turned the whole situation into something to be dismissed.

The problem is, cramps hurt. Cramps create a state of discomfort and frustration for the person experiencing them, and to have that met with amusement or dismissal only serves to exacerbate an already unpleasant situation.

I got to thinking, though: what if people understood better what was being experienced? What if there were a better term applied to help facilitate that understanding? Would people be a little more empathetic?

You see, "cramping" is sort of a misnomer. When you hear the word "cramp", you tend to think of a charley horse in the leg - a momentary sharp pain, something easily rubbed away with exercise or stretching. What people experience during their menstrual isn't like that at all, though.

I've gone through a lot of pain in my life, much of it voluntary by way of tattoos and piercings, but also in the form of hospitalization for infection, reactions to medications, and lifelong migraines. I lay in bed, thinking about all of these, trying to find one commonly experienced form of pain that could be considered comparable to menstrual cramps, my head aching from the prodrome of a migraine - and suddenly it hit me.

Headaches. Menstrual pain feels almost exactly like headaches.

That annoying, frustrating, deep-within pain that happens around the skull, behind the temples, around the eyes, or around the neck is basically the same as what's going on in your abdominal region.

Literally, menstrual pain feels like your uterus has a headache.

And just like headaches, it can range in severity depending on anything - what you ate, what noises are going on around you, what the weather's like, who you are. You can experience anything from "easy to ignore" to "excruciating, need to lie down and pray for death"...and if you happen to be someone who experiences something like endometriosis, well, there's your migraine-level menstrual pain, complete with trips to the ER for some kind of relief.

Take a moment and remember the last time you had a headache. Remember how every little noise was excruciating, every smell was offensive, and people seemed to be conspiring to piss you off? Everything irritates you when you have a headache, and there's nothing you can do but pop some Tylenol and hope for the best.

Now, imagine you're experiencing that, but instead of in your head, it's right above your vagina. The ache spreads unpleasantly towards your intestines, the tops of your thighs, and along your lower back. Walking hurts. Sitting hurts. Lying down hurts. And some asshole just asked you (again) if it's that time of the month, har har har.

But don't forget, you also have all the other issues that come along with menstruation: bloating, so none of your clothes fit. Gas, so forget eating anything without discomfort. Cravings, so fuck your diet. Bleeding from the vagina - goodbye cute underwear, hello weird iron smell every time you pee. Sweating. Fever. Constipation. Hormone shifts. Blood clots.

Actual headaches, or in a lot of cases (like mine), horrible migraines.

You have a lot to contend with both outside and inside your body, all while experiencing this lasting, awful ache that you can't talk about because it's not socially acceptable to say, "I'm menstruating and my uterus hurts."

You can take a pill to get some temporary relief, but unlike actual headaches, that doesn't stop the problem. It's not really a headache, it just feels like one. The pain returns when the medication wears off because your uterus isn't through with you yet, you lil' punk.

.....................

If we treated menstrual pain not like a cramp - complete with the most unwelcome "walk it off" of advice, exercise - and more like headache pain, I think people would be so much more helpful and kind.

(Seriously, the last thing you want to do is exercise. Stop telling menstruating people to exercise.)

No one laughs it off if you say you have a headache. They coo with sympathy. They frown and say "that sucks." They offer you cool compresses, painkillers, tea, caffeine. That isn't to say that these responses will help with menstrual pain, but the attitude is completely different from telling someone you have a cramp in your leg.

Treat menstrual pain like a monthly bad headache. Respond with kindness. Take care of your menstruating person.